Posts Tagged ‘leadership’

It has been a long and rocky road but we as a church have decided to close. VX has been my home for about eight years now and I have grown so much as pastor, as a man, and as a Christian through it. This has been the case right down to the wire. I have grown even during the process of myself and the leadership team deciding to close. So many emotions and thoughts have come up during that time:

If I do this then everyone will think I am a failure

What right do I have to make this decision?

People will think that being a multiethnic church is not a good idea

Will I ever do ministry again?

I need to find a job and this is a really bad economy

In the midst of it all I have realized that many of these thoughts and emotions were unfounded and some just made no sense at all.

If I do this then everyone will think I am a failure. This is so not true. Some people may think I am a failure but not “everyone” and in the end if I believe the Bible I may fail but I am not a failure and ultimately it does not matter what people think.

What right do I have to make this decision? I did not make the decision alone. I trusted that we as a leadership team with the help of the Holy Spirit would decide what is best for our local body. We had a right and a responsibility to make this decision.

People will think that being a multiethnic church is a bad idea. The truth is the people who will think that being a multiethnic church is a bad idea will always think it was a bad idea. The truth is that it is not an idea but a calling from God based on what we believe the scripture says.

Will I ever do ministry again? I probably will. This is one chapter of ministry that is closing. How will the next chapter unfold? That is up to God to decide.

I will need to find a job and this is a really bad economy. The truth is there are other folks out there just like me who have found jobs in this really bad economy. It is better to trust God and the decision he has led us to make than to trust in self.

So there it is. I truly believe that God ends things so other things can begin. A big part of maturity is dealing with losing and dealing with failure. It frees you up to be humble, to risk more, and to not take everything so seriously. I believe that now I am not as attached as I am to anything including the ministry that God has given me on this earth. Why? Because in this present age the “now” of ministry will always have to yield to the “not yet”. That’s something that we all must grow into.

Now that I am a husband and father I actually am faced with the horrible truth about myself. I hate being a servant! I mean a real servant like Jesus. It sounds good to me mentally but deep inside it totally repulses me. There are two main reasons why I hate being a servant:

1) Sometimes you have to serve when you don’t feel like it. Like when you are watching a cool youtube video or at god awful hours like 2am in the morning. Being a servant like Jesus is not convenient. You do not clock in and out like a job. It is a 24/7 whole of life thing.

2) Sometimes you don’t know how to serve or you have to serve in a way that is foreign to you. Like when Kaydon (my son) is giving me a hard time but can’t talk or like when Yvette (my wife) is overwhelmed with emotion and I know that her primary love language is physical touch. I know it mentally but in my heart I resist because that is not how I am used to receiving love.

The funny thing is this is that Jesus says that the greatest among his followers are servants. Tough words to chew on. So yes I am a follower of Jesus, a spiritual leader and I do not like to serve. There I said it!!!